Good Grief! It's Radha!’s Neighborhood

So after work yesterday I did a lot of thinking about us. I asked a few "friends" and they laughed!?! I didnt think what I had to say was funny it was serious I did not want to hear all the " WTF regina are you dumb he is just playing you!" or the "after he hurt you your ass still talk to that nigga?!?" Man some friends you people could have said "oh regina things are working out for you IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU" would have been nice.I think that is why I was being weird with him yesterday because I could only think about what everyone else was saying you know. When I should not even care. He wont care what people think so why should I ?!? They can say how dumb,crazy,stupid ect I am but if they only knew the type of joy this boy man brings me they would not have any problems!?!  The other day when he did what he did I was not mad that he did it just mad that the trust was not there but I so understand why he did it and Im not and never was mad at him for it. I just hope what he was telling me what his sister told him and how that applies to me is true,but I think after that AWESOME scavenger hunt he did for me I truly understand his feeling and love me. I am just truly happy that I did wait trust that it was had to see a guy that I have such strong feelings for with other girls but at the time(s) I could only sit back and be happy for him!!!  But now its my time and I will cherish every second all the up all the downs because who knows how long this will last. When he brought up NYC I was n shock to even think that just the thought of us together that long crossed his mind so I am going to take it as a great thing!  I think I should also say that even if we never date I will still love him no matter what because our frendship means so much to me knowing that I can talk to you about anything is great knowing that you will always be there for me is fabulous I couldnt ask for more. I think at the end of the day it comes down to that we BOTH want this i love you babe

I talked to Ejay.
He's happy,
He's in heaven.
That's all I needed to know.

<3

no one understands me, or what i go through. no one cares how i feel. in all reality i feel like i don't have anyone. I'm so tired of all the lies, fakeness, and two faced people... i'm so tired of playing games... of feeling horrible for unintentionally playing games. i'm so sick of life. of people saying they care when in all reality they don't. i'm tired of feeling forgotten, of feeling broken, of feeling like i have no friends. I'm tired of temporary friendships. Of people who use me.  i think it's funny how people at work notice the change in me. They notice how unhappy i am, and the greatest thing is... i can't pinpoint exactly why i'm feeling the way i do. All i know is i'm so sick of everything. Maybe thats the cause of my emotionless state. Everything i do is so fake. My smile. My laugh, and barely anyone notices.......

Would you notice if i was gone ?

i sound like a suicidal emo kid.

for the record.

i'm not.....

 people keep adviising me to look to him. But i don't feel i can  all the time.

How lovely it feels to be back in beast mode for dance!!! I wake up in the morning feeling like P.Diddy hahah just keeeding. But f'real I love the feeling of being back on top of my game finally! I'm once again Ms.Heather's fave, & I love how all the girls look at me crazy because she doesnt yell at me at all and only tells me im doing a fine job :D. She gave me a picture of me & my river hoe Mariah from the recital with the ugly long tutu. The FUNNIEST thing ever lol. My legs are under tone now and I my extensions are higher than ever with my balances<3. She says I've gotten skinnier too but I don't believe it lol. I don't see it, but I guessss. I saw Courtney after ballet & she said I looked thinner today & when a Rebel Girl says you look thin, I believe it lol. EIther way, i'm totally ready to kick some assssk from now on when it comes to dance :)))

some ppl are just noisy that is my facebook login if you wanted to know!! lol jk but when i look back to this time last year it was the same he was dating a girl for like the first few months of the semester we did not talk at all maybe a few times then around nov the were no longer together well look at it now and tell me its not kinda the same!!! people say if you love something then let it go and if it comes back then its yours its meant to be. well it has left me tons of times and now that its back i think i should snatch it up and run with it lol. so im sitting here listening to justin bieber one time my fav part 'she makes me happy i know where ill be right by her side cuz she is the one' haha wonder if he thinks that probably NOT!

maaaaann oh man ! :]

today was definitely funn ! :D
so it started out as me calling anastasia, then i went to get her, then we went to get conner & tylers christmas presents, then we went to the mall, then conner came & hung out with us, then alex came to hang out too ! thenn anastasia had to leave [booo !] thennn ! me conner & alex went to be fatttiiieees then we went & got jacob a new skateboard since he broke his, then we went to amazing art, where i gave conner his xmas present, then we went back to our side of town [well me & conners side haha] then went to the skatepark with jacob & ben, then tyler rolled up & i gave him his xmas present too! :D then we hung out at the skatepark then went to taco bell ! :D then tyler let me borrow his beloved lil waynes new mixtaaaape ! :D

im happy ! haha
i got to hangout with my favorite white boys & i got lil waynes new mixtape on my ipod ! :D

ilovemyfriends!<3

"where'd ya go? i miss you so, seems like it's been forever, since you've been gone."
oh love, where have you disappeared to?
where's that sparkle in your eye? the twinkle i saw when you looked at me.
where the loving hands that held mine tight, and never let go?
where's the tender lips that kissed mine so gently but so passionately.
but most of all, where's the love for me that i used to see seeping out of your skin?
i used to know you love me, you used to show and tell me every day, you used to show and tell the world.
i used to be your world.
and, i understand we've hit our really rough patches, and we've put eachother through more hell than
anyone should ever have to experience, but baby... you've always been
my world. you've always been my life. my everything. what am i to you? an ex? a friend? who knows.
you've changed oh so much to the point where i don't recognize the stranger whose eyes i gaze upon.
i don't recognize the meaningless kisses you place upon my lips.
i don't recognize the warm hand that lies limp in mine.
when will my baby return? when will she be back?
back to the person who loved me, and the world knew it.
back to the person who wanted to spend all their time kissing me.
back to the person who held my hand so tightly the blood stopped flowing.
back to the person who didn't care about sex, as long as i was hers.
back to the person who wouldn't leave the phone or computer for a second because she wanted to spend every moment speaking to me.
back to the person who dedicated her world to me, because she felt i deserved it.
back to the person who understood everything i was feeling, and cared so much about it.
back to the person who was disheartened when she couldn't see her baby that day.
back to the person who considered me her number one everything, and made sure everyone knew who came first.
back to the person who said baby, babe, sweetheart, babygirl, beautiful, etc. in every single sentence.
back to the person who you once were.
<3

my how i miss ninth grade.
:[

i haven't been able to stop thinking about you.

when she showed me those pictures i was so shocked by my reaction. how is it possible that you can still do that to me.

mainly & without writing useless things and words...

i miss you & i have no idea why.

im pretty sure we all know whom im talking about.

Loves it<3.

Woohoo for NO escuela tomorrow! :D

It shall be a day for work =/ this dang tort project & maybe if I get the nerve to ask we'll hangggg :))) but school first! then reward myself after XD. How fun. So much crap to do though that it doesnt seem possible. Law tort crap, AP Stats, ( whatever she loves Radha & I & gives us an amazing grade either way so it doesnt matter lmfao ), We The People, &  that's it I think. College apps & scholarships I guessss too. Amazing what being the daughter of Adriana Martinez gets you though, Blake & I are guarenteed the Latin Chamber of Commerce scholarship because hello, my mother is on the board :D. How exciting. I can't wait till next week when the scholarships really start rolling in though. Crunch time!

you're the one that i want!

you're the one i think of!

you're the one that makes the little things okay!

you're the one that knows its wrong,but still says its okay!

you're the one I am nervous around!

you're the one i can't get out of my head!

you're the one that makes me go to the field to see your name written on the ground!

you're the one that keeps me coming back!

you're the one whos touch is drastically amazing!

mhmmm.

&hearts;

Chelseatiberio