Good Grief! It's Radha!’s Neighborhood

New and updated List of shit to do before I die.....

I know that I have a one of a kind personality, and that's something that I get from people A LOT.

Mr.Scherr says I'm never going to find someone to put a ring on it, becaues no one can handle me. Felkins realized that I'm sassy AF since day 1. Haddad used to call me Miss.Thang, & Felipe's alpha-female comment always stuck since day one in Anatomy. Nikiya says I have this idgaf tude, and for some reason I don't see it. I am always very observing of people and have had a sort of "gift" for that. I can see right through people and know what they're about and what their intentions are shortly after meeting them. For some reason though, I can't seem to step out of my mind, and see what it is that others see about me. Flat out, I know i'm a bitch and dont care what other people think about me, and really mean it unlike most people. I can see myself with someone just as dynamic as I am, and never getting divorced. None of this, I'm the head of the house type sht, but kinda like we both rule the world. Just not as dramatic :) I've been thinking about it so much lately because all of us have just been talking about college amongst each other SO MUCH. I can't even being to imagine what its going to be like living wherever I please, and doing whatever I want. Meeting new people who you'd never would have met unless you leave and experience it all.

How exciting<3.

mann oh man so i took a step back & looked at my life & a year ago, if someone woulda told me what my life is like now, id call them fucking crazy. but im glad it turned out the way it was. i mean im still not glad about leaving canyon, but i am happy because the best things that could have happened at CSN did ! :] i made hellah friends, & i found some friends that i actually consider some of my closest friends in alphabet [AB] [CH] [TS] [VF] i love those fools <3

i have a lot of thinking to do. its time i really figure it all out.

i need to be a lot more focused on school & what i entend to do with my life.

some say thats all i ever think about.

its funny, my mom complains im out too much and that im always with friends & my friends say im never around enough and they want to see more of me.

001. I will be moving back in with my mother and father.
002. It will be my first day in Vegas, without Ryan with me.
003. It is also, my mothers birthday.. that i have not boughten a present for.
004. I have to start reading for my com 101 final....that class is dumb.
005. I have to write my psych paper.

its going to be a very busy day, but i have to stay busy... ipromised.<3

"And GOD saw that the wickedness of man [was] great in the earth, and [that] every imagination of the thoughts of his heart [was] only evil continually. "

i hate this stupid world that we live in; or in better words... what has become of it. Its so dirty. I hate this city. I hate how everyone is so numb to the shockingly immoral things that are going on. I hate how girls walk around half naked, flaunting their bodies. I hate how children at young ages are already killing their lives with alcoholism, drugs, and sex. Its as if the morals of this city, of this world have disappeared. Everyone says they have morals. But in reality no one really does anymore. The way you think may not be as bad as others, but its still wrong. Saying all this may make people think of me as a hypocrite; but I'm so done and moving forward from my past. All the stupidity, the ignorance, and ugliness. The drinking, the cursing, the multiple boyfriends. I'm done. No more. I look back and the things i've done, the way i've acted... completely disgusts me; and i'm so thankful that i know i have someone to talk to anytime, no matter when or where. I know he forgives me. I'm not going to go along with the games of this world when my longterm goals are much more self-fulfilling. I'm going to make it where its so much more wonderful. I don't care if you think i'm crazy. I don't care if you think i'm weird. All i know is i'm going to try my hardest to get where i want to get; and i'm keeping all this temporary thrills out of my life. I just wish i would've found this sooner in life.

The more i go to church... the more conviction i get as to how immoral everything in life has become. i hate it. The necessities, the jealousy, the sexuality to everything. It's not how it's supposed to be. At all.

Last night; i went about thinking about you, and then i saw that and i was angry with you. With this world, and it just made me realize even more how much i want to get out of this life.

I'll make it.

I honestly hang myself with my own rope and I don't tend to. Not to say I'm a self-sabotager all the time either. It always tends to be with school too ever since high school. It's just I get lazy with work and I let it be doing nothing about it kinda hoping it would go away on its own. I just stop caring on a lot of things in my life and they slip through my fingers most of my relationships, soccer, schoolwork. . . idk. I guess its good that I at least catch myself for now, usually I would just let go on till its too late to do anything about it. Everything right now is for my future and Chicago is only two years away; I just have to put in my part and no one not even me is going to get in the way of that.

To an extent I just want to be tested, something that makes me just do the things I used to so naturally. To think I used to be so committed to everything I did in Middle school. Self-motivation has really been the only thing keeping somewhat on track. A lot of things I do is for the better of me.

I don't feel the pressure of my family to the extent that others do, ever since I was little I didn't have a father figure and  any extra attention was spared for my sister becuase she needed it more, no matter how hard I tried. I just sometimes want to be recognized for what I do, not praised just recognized to me that's worth so much. I dont feed off praise ( I hate it when people say I have a big ego as it is). Say I'm making an extra effort for a friend and they act like its nothing at all, that irritates me honestly a thank you is suffice, acknowledgement is all I ask for or If I'm doing a good job at something telling me keep it up or that you appreciate my efforts means a lot to me. It just goes back to my personality. I am only truly happy when I help others because when I do it validates my life. People honestly underestimate the daily phenomena of human interaction. Your presence affects those around you whether it be good or bad is up to you. That's why I love helping people and making them laugh; to me laughter means you made someone happy and for that brief moment you process the joke you forget about all the bad going on in life. Life is shitty enough as it is, so when you laugh at my joke or action, you thank me for my efforts, or I get to help you out in your life everything just gets a little better for me.

Yet, at the same time I'm not looking for a kissass or a pity party thrown my way because in reality my life is going great. And even though its probably my greatest weakness and vulnerability this making people happy thing gives me an edge in some aspect. I think it's because of this that life seems so great to me, plus being with Alecs is really nothing short of amazing, and there's just this parcular thing with her  that when I get her to crack a smile life doesn't seem better but perfect. . .  

So I think for now, I'm just going to let time do its thing and keep moving foward as well I.
"Anyone can conform to society, but it takes a real man to have society conform to him."

i find them very sexy.

facial hair is very hot on a guy.

lol i am now into dudes with beards.

It's easy to type, but not easy to say. I'm stubborn.

To be on top.

I owe to to my mom & Radha for pushing me to just get through the finish line :)